Lilly.

The last few days have been pretty rough for me, which is why I have been missing in action. On Friday, my Aunt Lil, who is also my godmother, passed away. She had been ill for quite some time, but was recently been diagnosed with cancer + no one was quite sure how much time she had left. That time was much shorter than any of us had anticipated.

Beautiful sisters: Debbie, Cindy, Kathi + Lilly.

I have a unique bond with all of my aunts, but the one I saw the most was Lil. When we lived in Florida, she would often visit us, staying for weeks at a time. My friends Sean + Tami saw her so much [either when she came to Florida or when they came to visit me after I moved back to New York] that they too called her Aunt Lil. We bonded over shopping, lounged around the pool + acted like fools. We used to laugh so hard that we would cry. I remember one time Lil was talking about how her ass sagged in her bathing suit. Out of nowhere, I started talking like an old Jewish woman who had smoked far too much + I told her to get some blue painter's tape, to tape up her ass. Lil + my mom were hysterically laughing, as I kept the charade up. This was always something we joked about, even as her health had started to decline. She was the Fuckmeister + I was her little Fuckmeister [or Fuckmeister Jr. - whichever she was in the mood to refer to me as].

She wasn't perfect [none of us are], but she always made sure she told me how much she loved me + how proud she was of me. Always. Even when I had decided to take a break from school, she understood that I needed to experience life, but told me that she knew I would go back when I was ready, which I did. She loved her children dearly + always spoke about their accomplishments. Sometimes she drove them up a wall [like any mother does], but she would have given her life in a split second for them, no questions asked.

Her daughter, Debbie, gave a beautiful speech at the cemetery. She wanted to keep it lighthearted, like her mother would have wanted. She spoke about how since she has grown up, she understands her mother more now + sees more of her mom in her. Deb said how her mother wore her heart on her sleeve, didn't take shit from anyone + loved us all immensely. She also mentioned her mother's love for Diet Pepsi, shopping [especially HSN/QVC], + coffee, which helped lighten the mood. Lil would have been so proud of her, as she always has been. She has become such a wonderful young woman + has accomplished so much. My aunt Kathi + my mother also had a few words to say about their sister, which were heartfelt. My cousin Catherine also read a beautiful poem by Linda Ellis, called "The Dash" + my Uncle Marc concluded the ceremony with a prayer. It was so hard dropping that white rose into the ground + taking that shovel full of earth to sprinkle upon her casket. I know she is no longer suffering, + that is what is important.

Debbie + Lilly, 1985.

Below is a song that I thought was appropriate + has an interesting backstory as well. Back in 1996, Lil had bought The Smashing Pumpkins tickets for my cousins + I. She had misplaced the tickets, but was convinced someone had stolen them [she suspected the housekeeper, if my memory serves me correctly]. Months later, she eventually found the tickets + remembered that she had indeed placed them in that spot, for safe keeping. Oh, Lil. You will be sorely missed. Thank you for the memories, I will treasure them forever.

Childhood Crushes and Davy Jones.

As a small child, I had countless crushes. Before I turned ten, I daydreamed that I would marry Scott Baio, John Stamos, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Emilio Estevez, even Paul McCartney. Michael J. Fox and I had the same initials - he was my density (if you don't get that, please stop what you are doing and watch  Back To The Future  - immediately). I also fell in love with The Monkees - a late 60s television show, featuring legit musicians (although for aesthetic purposes, the musicians had to learn different instruments in order to make the lineup more appealing to the masses). 


The Monkees were Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork. I had a collective crush on all of the band members, which could also explain why most of the guys I've dated were skinny musicians, each with a unique sense of style. I wasn't born when the show was in its prime, but thanks to MTV and Nickelodeon, the show made a comeback in 1986.

Credit: The Monkees official website

Sadly, on February 29, 2012, Davy Jones died of a heart attack in Stuart, Florida (the same town where my teenage self would drive aimlessly, in order to clear my cluttered mind). I waited a few days to post this, because I knew the internet would be flooded with posts regarding Jones' life and legacy. In fact, I thought about forgoing a post about this, because I didn't want this to be something that no one bothered to read.


Then, last night, I heard that my younger cousin, Marissa, had just discovered The Monkees, in wake of Jones' passing. She made a comment to her mom, stating that she thought he was cute. Ah, a girl after my own heart. Its funny, because I only recently reconnected with this part of my family, but its like she's a mini-midge, only eighteen years my junior. My cousins sat in the living room at my mother's house, The Monkees marathon blaring from the television, as they took turns working out on my mom's exercise bike. I don't know what the fascination was with the bike, but three of them took turns breaking a sweat, then complaining to the adults that they were sore. I told them to stretch, but I doubt they were listening to me. 


As I drove home, I thought about  how much I loved watching The Monkees as a child, dancing around to   the music, laughing at the situations the gents got themselves into. How could I not pay tribute? 


The clips below are from The Brady Bunch episode, Getting Davy Jones, which aired in 1971, and Last Train To Clarksville, which aired on The Monkees in September 1966 - gems I was able to feast my eyes on, thanks to the beauty of syndication.

Thank you, Davy Jones, for making so many people sing and smile. I will leave you with a fitting excerpt from Michael Nesmith's Facebook page, regarding the passing of his former bandmate and lifetime friend:

...let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. 

While it is jarring, and sometimes seems unjust, or strange, this transition we call dying and death is a constant in the mortal experience that we know almost nothing about. I am of the mind that it is a transition and I carry with me a certainty of the continuity of existence. While I don’t exactly know what happens in these times, there is an ongoing sense of life that reaches in my mind out far beyond the near horizons of mortality and into the reaches of infinity.

The David has stepped beyond my view causes me the sadness that it does many of you. I will miss him, but I won’t abandon him to mortality. I will think of him as existing within the animating life that insures existence. I will think of him and his family with that gentle regard in spite of all the contrary appearances on the mortal plane.

David’s spirit and soul live well in my heart, among all the lovely people, who remember with me the good times, and the healing times, that were created for so many, including us.

I have fond memories. I wish him safe travels.